Prometheus

How  I  long to be challenged by you, the way you make me think about things in a different way.  You help me become someone I am not,  yet at the same time you help me find myself.  You have been away for so long but that may all change soon, I got the taste of you in my mouth and it filled my mind with the possibilities.  I never want you alone, you come promised with new blood, but you have done that before. You have teased and toiled with me on countless times.  Often I lay shattered as you let me experience you, then you unfurl your wings and go unto the wind.  If I can not have you how I want you then there is only one thing left for me, I must create you.  Reap down into my soul and bring fourth the essence give you life.  After your first breath I will let you wonder and choose what destiny you wish to create.  For so long I have tried too hard to control you, to limit you.  You have learned to hate me, but this time will be different.  You will be in control of yourself, I will watch you flourish and prosper as you change the webs of fate.  You will have the power to create and destroy, they will learn to love you as I do.

Injured

I am a fixer, if its broken I try to fix it.  If its not broken I still try to fix it.  When it comes to something that I can not fix I do not deal with it well.  I feel helpless, useless, depressed, and end up just shutting down.  This is the worse feeling and there is nothing that I can really do.  It may fix itself but what if it does not?  What am I to do then?  I may never have any kids so I have adopted my other animals as my family and I feel very strongly about them and protective.  How helpless I feel when I can make something better.  I don't think I could handle being a parent and feel helpless in such a situation.

Fire

Why do I do this to myself, why must I get involved things that I should not be.  I have enough of my own shit to worry about to deal with someone else's.  I am very angry, It is very hard on me not to just throttle someone to make me feel better.  I like to think I am a passive person, but sometimes others have a way to get to me.  Interrupting or muttering while I am trying to talk and explain my side.   I need to let off anger.  I really do have my self sometimes for making things worse.  Maybe that's why I so often want to be alone in the quiet so I don't screw things up and make situations worse.  I wish I did not care as much as I do and the worse is that I care more than people even know.  If I don't care then I don't get involved.  I just need to get away from it all, to forget myself and disappear.

Something New

I miss camping, I used to do it all the time but recently its been once a year if I am lucky.  Well coming up soon I get a chance to test myself, primitive camping.  A few friends of mine are going to venture out into the woods with clothes, knives, flint and steel and a little food and spend 2 days.  I know it does not seem that hard but this is like a mini excursion and we are planning a bigger one.  It will be nice to get away for a while and settle my nerves.  I used to do it all the time and the lack of communing with nature has taken its toll.  Also it will be nice to test myself, I know I used to be able to do it and i wonder if I can now.  I wonder if we will be able to dig that trench like we want.   

On another note why is it that girls look so hot sucking on a candy cane and guys... well eww.